Why We Don't Pray: Fear of Selfish Motives

 

More from Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools by Tyler Staton:

We Don't Pray for Fear of Selfish Motives

We are paralyzed by self-evaluation. Prayer sputters when we evaluate and second-guess the words we speak to God as they come out of our mouths.

Why do I really want this? What's behind this request? Have I really put in enough time with God to ask for something like this, or am I just texting him when I need something? Is this desire really pure enough to bring before God?

Let's say, hypothetically, your roommate doesn't know Jesus. Before uttering a word of prayer for her, you're confronted by a question that spirals inward. Why really do I want my roommate to find God? Is it because of a pure desire for her to be met by divine love that makes her whole? Or do I find comfort in someone else reaching the same conclusion I've made, like if this whole thing is just a superstitious way of making life bearable, at least they'll laugh at us one day, not just me?

Or do I think I've got all the answers and the world would be better if everyone thought like me, believed like me, and behaved like me? Am I just cloaking narcissism in faux compassion? Or is it that I carry around some sort of religious guilt my conservative grandma drilled into me as a kid, so now I pray for my roommate but it's really just to feel okay about myself?

We know all too well the cacophony of motives forever swirling inside us. When we pray, we become increasingly aware of those motives. And some are paralyzed by the subsequent self-evaluation.

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Truth is...Come back in four weeks for a full response to this, but suffice it to say that there is nothing good that happens by stepping into this whirlpool. There's a difference between thinking too much of yourself and thinking of yourself too much, and this fear of selfish motives is firmly in the latter category.